Frustrations
by candi711
Summary: When Olivia and Amanda have a fight, the blonde detective leaves to blow off steam but possibly finds herself in trouble. Later during a stakeout with Fin, Olivia notices a drunk Amanda surrounded by four strangers in an alley, but when the duo rush to help the southern woman she refuses it.
**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters**

 **A/N: I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while and finally got the time to put it into the written word. Takes place in season 17 after star struck victims. Please be patient with any spelling or grammar mistakes, I am dyslexic and spell check can only do so much.**

 **Warning: there will be coarse language used throughout the story so be forewarned.**

"He didn't have to die" Amanda yelled as she paced her lieutenant's office, hands waving wildly in the air conveying her anger to her boss and partner. It was late in the evening and the squad had just returned from an intense hostage situation.

"I couldn't let you take that risk Rollins" Olivia spoke up in a combative tone, she believed she made the right call and would not be taking Amanda's comments lying down "Corbon was agitated with a hostage and a gun, we couldn't have known what he would've done if you went in their"

"He would've given up" she fired back quickly "I read his manifesto, I understood what drove him. That's why he wanted to talk to me, he wanted someone to validate his experience his life. All I had to do was talk him down, he was already responding to me" she finished as she wiped back some loose hair that had fallen in her face during her rant.

"Are we even sure that's what was goin on" Fin said as he spoke up for the first time, he understood Amanda's frustration but agreed with Olivia that sending her in would have been the wrong call to make. "You did fit the profile of the women he'd already attacked: single mother, blonde, mid thirties..."

Fin thought back to the situation earlier in the day that was the source of this current drama. The team had caught a case of a push in rapist who kept on leaving his manifesto at the crime scene. The victims were all the same type, a type that was similar to Travis Corbon's mother, who abandoned him as a child. Corbon was interrupted in his most recent attack which lead to a stand of with police. Since Rollins had read his manifesto she was able to make a quick connection of trust with the perp. He was able to see her from out the first story window. Corbon had asked that she enter the building in exchange for the hostage who needed medical attention, but Benson refused. Instead she had Rollins lead him to once more look at her from out the window, and when he did he was taken out by highly trained police snipers. At this betrayal of her confidence Rollins felt sick. Disgusted at her partner and commanding officer who forced her to go against her moral code and effectively end a life that didn't need to be lost.

"There's no way he knew I was a mother, and that's not the point. You didn't trust that I could've handled the situation, I thought we were supposed to be working on that" The blonde detective said in a harsh tone to Olivia.

"It's not about trust Rollins, it's about making sure you get home safe to Jess every night. You still don't think about your actions all the way through. You have Jesse to think about now, you're not alone anymore..." the lieutenant fired back.

"You can't just lock me behind a desk guys, there's danger in our work and if I can't be in the field then there's no point in me being a cop anymore" Amanda said with frustration

"I'm not sticking you behind a desk, Rollins... well if you keep acting like you are maybe I will just for good measure" At this Amanda huffed and placed her hands on her elbows, wrapping herself in a sort of hug to control her emotions. She recognized she was out of line and the rational part of her brain was telling her to stop while she could, but the stress of the day and the compounding frustrations of her job and home life were wearing down on her mind "all I'm saying is that you need to find a way to control your impulses, so you don't end up in dangerous situations unnecessarily"

Amanda shook her head in understanding with quick short motions, not that she was completely agreeing with Olivia, but she recognized that she needed to get out of that room before she did or said something she would regret "OK boss I'll work on that..." she looked at her watch "it's getting late and I need to find a way to work off my frustrations" and with that she bit her lip and turned to leave the room. Just as she was about to close the office door behind her she paused and said over her shoulder "and no I'm not goin to a casino, that wouldn't really be controlling my impulses would it" she finished sarcastically

Fin and Olivia were left in shock that Amanda would even bring up her gambling addiction in such a flippant manner. "I pray to God she's right because the department won't give her another chance"

* * *

Later that night Fin and Olivia sat in a car not far from a newly built but popular bar. The whole precinct was taking turns being on stakeouts, and tonight Benson and Fin drew the short end of the stick. There had been several attacks over the past few weeks from a rapist who preyed on women in clubs, he is constantly moving and strikes at different times. The department has several cars similarly parked at several other clubs, but it was impossible to cover them all.

"I don't think he's gon show tonight" Fin said as he rested his head against the glass window of the driver's side seat "I mean, he only struck two days ago, this perp likes to spread out his attacks by at least five days"

"But what if today's the night he breaks pattern and we could have been there to stop it but didn't because we just weren't in the mood to stand watch" Benson said as she shook Fin's shoulder to make sure he stayed awake. She agreed that this was not the funnest part of the job, but it was just as important as any other aspect, if not one of the most important.

An hour passed and just as Fin was rubbing the tiredness from his eyes he spotted a flash of blonde hair stumbling down the sidewalk "Holy Shit is that Rollins" Fin said aloud catching the attention of the brunette detective besides him. As she peered over she saw a clearly drunk looking Rollins leaning against the side of a building for support " Well I wouldn't call this the best way to work off the day's frustration but at least she ain't gambling" Fin tried to say in a light manner to relieve the stress he knew his long time friend still had from the earlier argument with his partner

Before Benson could respond a man had grabbed the drunken blonde's elbow and lead her into the alley way, the condition she was in gave her no chance to resist, even if she wanted to. This man was soon followed by three of his buddies. "Fin, they took her in the alley" Benson yelled as she began to exit the car and rush to her detective's aid "I saw" was all Fin yelled out as he too hurried out of the car.

"Police freeze" Benson yelled as she raised her badge in the air entering the dark alley with Fin close on her heals. The scene they saw sent both of their bloods boiling. A clearly drunk Amanda was pinned up against the wall, her wrists held above her head as the first guy was kissing her neck. One of his friends was preoccupied with sticking his hand up her dress and loving the reaction he was getting from the remaining two perverts as they encouraged for more. When the four noticed the incoming police they instantly stepped away from the drunken woman. The distance was not far enough for Fin, and he yelled at them to get back as he pushed his way to his partner. When he reach out to her she pulled away "what the hell are you doing" she questioned

"What am I doing? What the Fuck are you doing?" he yelled back in anger at the situation Amanda had apparently put herself in.

"I was having a good time before you two came and killed the mood" she spit back as she pushed passed Fin and placed a hand around the man that nearly a moment ago had her pinned to the wall.

"Sorry officers, we understand this was something we should've been doing in private" the man next to the blonde explained "we'll take it indoors at once" he finished with a devilish smile as he smacked her ass.

"You're not going anywhere but the police station Romeo" Benson said as she stepped forward to separate the man from the inebriated woman

"Police station!" cried one of the other men "for what?"

"For starters, how about attempted rape" Fin fired back instantly, in no mood to handle the scum of the earth at the moment

"Rape" the southern woman laughed "it's not rape when I want it to happen"

"You're in no condition to give consent at the moment Rollins, you are much more intoxicated than any of these men and it's a crime for them to take advantage of that" Benson said in a stern voice trying to reason with the impaired woman before her

"If I want it, I want it no matter the state I'm in, and don't you dare call me Rollins. I left that fucking name back in Atlanta, with the rest of my inbreed family that's to stupid to leave rural Georgia"

Fin and Benson shared a look between themselves, their colleague appeared to be much drunker than they first realized. At this moment the duo didn't notice one of the four men whispering into the ear of the man with their apparent drunken partner. He smiled at what was said and nodded. Then he whispered in the ear of the blonde who stated aloud how naughty he was.

"What's going on" Benson said as she noticed two of the four trying to slip away

"We weren't part of this and we know when we're not wanted. So let us just take our leave" one of the two said as he continued to back away from the scene

"Naha, that's not how this works" Fin raised his hand in a motion telling the two to return, but before he could even step in their direction the intoxicated southern bell was back in his face

"No. There's no reason for you to keep them here because there's no reason for the police to get involved" the angry blonde said as she pushed Fin back a few steps "This is a private matter that is being handled by the people involved, namely me and these fine studs here"

"Rollins, you need to control yourself" Benson said getting fed up with her detective's behavior, drunk or not she should still try to show some self control "What about your baby..."

Benson was cut off by the angry southern blonde "my babies are just fine, safe at home with the world's best nanny"

"Come on Rollins, we're taking you home now!" Fin said as he grabbed her arm to pull her towards the curb

"No!" she yelled and violently withdrew her arm from the larger black man before her "No, who the fuck do you think you are telling me how to live my life" she continued to yell as she pushed past the two SVU detectives and came out of the alley way and stopped at the edge of the curb. She spun around to face them again this time with her back to the street. The remaining two men with her walked forward to be on either side of her "I left that shit back in Atlanta, at least here I get to choose how to live my life, and not just be the play thing to be tossed around anymore".

Suddenly the blonde before them appeared to look fragile and worn down, she placed one hand on her hip and the other one caught her hanging head as she rubbed her hand through her hair. The two NYPD officers were so taken aback by the sudden change in demeanor that they froze in place, each not having anything to say at that instant.

Moments later a black van speed up to the curb where the blonde and the two remaining men stood. The side door was already open and in a flash the two men beside the apparent blonde detective pulled her into the car and slammed the door closed as it sped away.

"No! Amanda!" Benson screamed as she ran into the street in a poor attempt to stop the car. She drew her service weapon and aimed at its retreating form, but did not fire in fear of hitting her young detective.

"Fuckin son of a bitch" Fin yelled as he came to stand by Benson "they took her!" his worry nearly paralyzing him. The only thing keeping him standing was his police training and his strong protective instincts screaming at him to get her back

Fin ran towards the club they had been watching, the same one that Amanda and the four mystery men had come from, while Benson called in dispatch to place a bolo on the car they were getting away in as well as for Amanda and the descriptions of the men who took her. When she was finished she went to meet up with Fin.

The large detective had quickly returned to the bar in order to determine the identity of the men who had taken his partner. By the time Olivia had rejoined him, he nearly had the bartender in a strangle hold. She had to work hard to talk him down from injuring the difficult barkeep "give us the information of the men my partner here asked for" she asked in a calm but stern voice

"Like I told that neanderthal" the barkeep began as he rubbed his shoulders were Fin had a tight grip on him earlier "I can't release any information unless you show me a warrant"

"Now listen here punk" Benson said as she got in his face "A police officer's life's in danger and right now I see at least 20 health and safety code violations, so you better start becoming helpful this instant or I'll have this place shut down for years and personally make sure that you can never find another job again"

At this the barkeep gulped and swiftly went to the register "it looks like they paid cash for all of their drinks, they even bought their lady friend her drinks as well, and boy did she drink"

Disappointed, frustrated, and worried the pair left the bar to begin looking for clues elsewhere as well as to call in reinforcements.

* * *

It was already the next morning when Fin and Olivia had returned to the precinct. They had spent the night out looking for clues but had come up with nothing. They had attempted to track Amanda's phone but it was off. They had even taken images from the club's security footage and asked around if any person could identify them, in fact Carisi and Dodds were still attempting this approach.

Fin walked over to his desk and roughly sat down in his chair. He slouched forward and began to vigorously rub the top of his head "we'll find her" Benson said as she came up behind him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder

"Ya but what is she going through right now while we're waiting for information to come in" Fin said dejectedly

"You can't think like that Fin, those thoughts won't help anyone" Benson said in a sad voice. Truth be told she was worried about the same thing he was, she could not get the picture of her youngest detective being assaulted by those four men out of her head.

"She was right in front of me!" Fin said as he stood up quickly, knocking papers from his desk to the ground "If only I had reached out, I could have grabbed her, I could have stopped it"

"I was right next to you, Fin, there was nothing either of us could have done in that amount of time, they were efficient like they'd done it a thousand times before" Benson said as she went to pour herself a cup of coffee. Both her and Fin had been awake now for more than twenty four hours, and their fatigue was starting to catch up with them. "Besides" she began again in a quiet voice that made Fin strain to hear "I'm the one that pushed her so hard that she felt the need to relieve stress in the first place, I don't know how Cragen did it. He never once made me feel like an inadequate detective and I always felt like I could go to him for anything. But with Amanda, I only seem to be able to push her down the wrong path"

"That's not true..." Fin began but was interrupted by Benson's phone before he could finish his thought

"Benson" she answered "What, you did!" she exclaimed loudly "What condition is she in? Okay... okay. Bring her back to the station then" Benson hung up and released a long breath and sunk into the closest chair to her

"They found her?" Fin asked nervously. His only response was a small nod "how is she?"

"A uniform picked her up off the street a few minutes ago, she appears to be agitated and a bit roused but otherwise okay" she explained

"But is she really okay" Fin asked referring to what might have happened during the night

"No matter what happened, I'll make sure she gets the help she needs even if I have to force it on her myself. I'll make sure she's okay" Benson stated determined to have her detective come out of this ordeal on top no matter the cost.

"We'll all make sure she's okay" Fin added, indicating to his old friend that the burden was not only on her but the team as a whole, they were a family. A dysfunctional family, but a family none the less.

It took no more than fifteen minutes before a uniform officer entered the squad room with a clearly hungover and angry blonde woman besides him.

"Oh God you two again" the blonde woman said as she entered the room and saw Fin and Benson running up to her "can't you two just leave me alone" the uniform officer looked at the scene in confusion but had his charge sit in a chair before being excused from the room.

"That's one way to greet the people who spent the whole night worried sick about you, not to mention pulling in a lot of man hours to make sure you were found safe and sound" Fin said almost yelling at the blatant disrespect the woman before him was showing them

"I was safe and sound before I was dragged off the street on my way home and taken here" she yelled as she waved her hands to indicate the police station

"Does this look like you were safe, Amanda, because to me it looks like you fought hard against some sort of restraints" Fin yelled back as he grabbed at her wrists where some bruising was starting to show, it appeared to have been caused from some kind of belt"

"Funny I would take you as a guy who would like it rough" she laughed but then her face instantly became sober and she looked at the two with new eyes

"Wait?" she began slowly "Did you just call me Amanda?" she asked completely serious, and then burst out laughing "Amanda Rollins? You think that I'm Amanda Rollins. Oh God I should have put it together sooner" she continued to laugh

"What do you mean" Benson said becoming a bit concerned now as well as confused

"I am not Amanda Rollins" the woman spoke slowly as if explaining a complex theory to complete morons

"If you say that you're not 'Manda, then who are you" Fin asked not completely buying the, 'this is not the woman you seek' act. Although he could not understand why she would claim such a thing.

"Sofia!?" A new voice rang out from the entryway of the squad room

All eyes shifted to the new comer, and Fin and Benson's mouths dropped when they realized that standing on the other side of the room was the genuine Amanda Rollins, dressed and ready to begin another day at work.

"Oh hey little cuz, guess who I had the pleasure, or better yet misfortune, of meeting last night" Sofia said with the biggest smirk on her face. Sure she was annoyed that her night of fun was almost ruined and her morning was definitely going south, until now. She now found the whole ordeal amusing.

"What are you doing here? What's going on?" Amanda questioned

"Well I was having a great time last night with four men" she stressed the four "but your colleagues here confused me for you, and I guess they couldn't stand the thought of you enjoying yourself so they set about trying to ruin my night" Sofia explained with a smile

"Cousins?" Fin asked aloud still not comprehending what his eyes were seeing

"Yep, we were confused for one another most of our lives too, so don't feel too ashamed, but just remember I'm the better looking one" Sofia responded with a wink

"Wait but what exactly is going on?" Amanda asked again not satisfied with her cousins version of the story "What are you even doing here Sofia, I thought you were in Chicago"

"Oh well, I got a promotion to head up my firm's New York based branch, so I packed up the husband and kids and here we are" she explained flippantly

"Wait you're married?" Fin asked confused about the woman's clear promiscuity "with kids?"

"Me and Rodger have a very open relationship, in fact just last month he brought two women in our bed, and boy were they good" Sofia winked and enjoyed the clear shock displayed on Fin and Olivia's faces.

"Speaking of Rodger" Sofia began ignoring the others in the room and focusing on Amanda "his birthday is coming up and remember that threesome..." Sofia was cut off by Amanda as she placed a hand over her mouth

"Sofia! Shut it please" she exclaimed in a harsh whisper as she also pinched Sofia's arm to communicate to her not to bring it up again.

"Amanda, me and Fin were on a stakeout when we saw your cousin stumble out of the bar clearly drunk and being followed by four men who had clear intentions to take advantage of her" Olivia began to explain, ignoring what occurred seconds ago "When we approached them they claimed everything was innocent enough, but then forcibly took Sofia in a van and sped away, She was in no condition to give consent for anything. We thought she was you and have had most of NYPD searching for you"

"Wait, Sofia is that true? Were you attacked" Amanda asked concerned for her cousin

"Oh God, you special victim detective's are all the same... not everything is rape you know. I had a blast and if you want I can recount it all for you but i'm sure you couldn't handle it"

"Sofia" Amanda said in a stern manner, her cousin always had the reputation of being a little sex crazed. But she still showed concern for Sofia's lack of caution in these situations.

"I'm perfectly fine Amanda, you know i've done much worse then that" She explained with a smile to ease the worry of her younger cousin

"Excuse me? Detective Rollins" a uniform officer interrupts and looked confusingly between the two southern blonde women "you have a witness on line 5, she only wants to speak to you"

"Okay I'll be right there" Amanda answered "let me take this call then I can take her home" Amanda stated as she left the room

An awkward silence befell the squad room. Fin and Olivia were exhausted from the previous night's events and Sofia didn't seem to be faring any better. The pregnant silence lasted for several moments before...

"Thank you"

Fin and Olivia looked over at Sofia in surprise, the last thing they expected was for her to thank them, especially after she made it so clear that they had almost ruined her night of fun.

"Thank you for looking out for her" Sofia explained "back in Atlanta, it was such a boys club that it was easy to get used to being treated like a piece of meat in the police department. I saw how they treated her and I hated it. I know something went down, something bad and I could only guess it involved that pervert of a chief she worked under, he propositioned me several times. With the revelation that he pleaded guilty to sexual assault of another one of his blonde proteges, I hate to think what might have happened" Fin and Olivia listened intently to Sofia's explanation of her thanks, they already knew what Patton had done to Amanda but it didn't stop their anger from being reignited at the mention of his name.

"I saw that she needed to leave that place, but can you believe that her pervert of a captain didn't want to let her go" Olivia was surprised at this, it was the first she'd heard of it "I had to sleep with him just for him to approve the transfer, seems that he always had the hots for Amanda but my cuz kept on turning him down" she shook her head in disgust

"I never realized how bad it was down there" Benson said when Sofia was done

"You don't know the half of it" and Fin and Olivia agreed, Amanda was so guarded that she never told them much about her past "That's why I am so thankful that she has a better squad here, one that would wait up all night to save her, even if she didn't want to be saved"

"Alright, I can take you home now Sofia" Amanda said as she entered the room once more. She noticed the solemn atmosphere and became worried about what her cousin might of said "please don't pay much attention to what she says, she's still a bit drunk I can tell, and when she's like this she has no filter" Amanda apologized for her cousin

"No, it's no problem, we were just talking about how much she cares about you and the interesting ways she goes about showing it" Fin said in a lighter tone, trying to make a joke out of an awkward situation.

"Again, I am so sorry about this Lieutenant" Amanda said as she helped her cousin stand "I will take her home and be back as soon as possible, I will also try to ensure that she will stop trying to sleep her way through Manhattan"

"It's alright Amanda, but maybe next time you should keep your phone on, we could've avoided this whole mess" Benson chimed in remembering that her blonde detective did not answer her cell

"Oh no, I must have forgot to turn it back on after my GA meeting last night, they insist that we turn it off" Amanda explained

"You went to a GA meeting last night, I thought you needed to blow off some steam" Fin questioned, confused but proud that his partner did the responsible thing last night

"Well I figured it was time for me to work on my impulse control, and what better way than listening to a bunch of people who screwed up their lives for not having it" Amanda said in a half joking manner "well I guess I sort of fell in that category once too"

"Hey cuz can we get some breakfast on the way I'm starved" Sofia said as she leaned on Amanda for support and they began to leave the room. The blonde detective could never understand her cousin's ability to have the most severe hangover but still be able to stomach the thought of food.

"Ya we'll see"

"Oh and about Richard's birthday surprise" Sofia began as the conversation went out of earshot. Fin could have sworn he heard his partner groan.

"Well it's going to be interesting having a Rollins look alike in New York" Fin joked

"Ya but we're going to have to work on her version of fun lest we are going to think Amanda's getting kidnapped from some bar every weekend" Benson said as she turned to grab her phone to order Carisi and Dodds home, the two still being on the street looking for Rollins.

"She's trying I can see that now" Benson said to herself, but Fin over heard her

"What'cha mean?" Fin asked confused

"She's trying hard to control and moderate her behavior. Knowing the conditions she came from, I understand her inability to completely trust the people around her, and how she fills the need to constantly try and prove herself" Olivia explained and Fin nodded in agreement "So I'm going to meet her halfway and trust her judgment more often, besides trust is a two way street, and I would rather her come to me for help then end up like her cousin. A woman who seems to only be after a distraction from life"

 **A/N: So what did you guys think of that little twist about Amanda's cousin, did anyone notice that I did not have Fin or Olivia call her Amanda during the scene in the alley, just Rollins, and she did not like that at all. Sofia is sort of taken from the show "The Good Wife" where the actress who plays Rollins also played a role of a very promiscuous woman, named Sofia. I hope you guys liked it, please tell me what you thought and how I could possibly improve my writing before my next story :)**


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